I feel like I need to preface this post with a warning. If you prefer to keep your image of me in the little bubble that it may currently reside, I recommend closing the browser and delaying the bursting of the bubble until another time. Trust me...I will make it happen sooner or later.
I can't get on board with the 'Me Too' movement. If you are reading this far, please make sure to allow me the opportunity to explain myself; I feel like you owe it to me since I warned you about all of this ahead of time.
First, let me start with the horrible inequality of it's premise. The conversation that has dominated the media (both news and social) has primarily been focused on men as the perpetrators and women as victims. I find this appalling and lacking in rational thought. Being a, now, middle-aged gay man, I have had the pleasure of going out with many female friends. Trust me, I have heard worse 'locker room talk' from those women then I do from my straight male friends. I have also been borderline sexually assaulted by drunk women at the bars or conferences. They have approached me with the same sense of entitlement and confidence that I have seen men approach women; and no, they did not know I was gay.
Second, there is a distinct difference between sexual assault and sexual harassment. Sure, harassment in any form is unpleasant, but it holds no similarity to being in a situation where you are powerless and forced to accept assault, in any form. I feel as though the line between the two has been blurred by this conversation. How dare we demean the physical assault on any person by likening it to unwelcomed comments.
Third, why are we victimizing ourselves? Why must we focus on what happened and let that define us to the outside world in some way? We are only perpetuating this stereotype that we are damaged and incapable of being normal because we are victims. I feel this way about the many ways that we victimize ourselves. Some of you may have heard my rants on how the gay community, to this day, acts in a way that is subservient to normal society.
Most of you are seeing me on this high horse; someone who has no right to speak of sexual harassment or assault. You probably see me as this alpha type male who is more like to harass or assault than be victim to them.
You are wrong.
I have been sexually harassed as recently as two weeks ago when a white male in his 40's followed me into the bathroom at a bar and, as I was standing at a urinal, placed his hand on my lower back and commented on my appearance. I have had the typical soccer mom type grab my genitals in bars, rub their backside up against me on the dance floor (without being asked to...) and offer to pay me for sex at conferences. I have had men of all races grab parts of my body after I have politely asked them not to multiple times. I have even been sexually assaulted, in the truest sense of the term, when a guy did not take 'No' as meaning 'No'.
I refuse to let these experiences define me. I refuse to let these experiences define those of another race, gender, sex or creed. I refuse to victimize myself.
I recognize that this is a problem with humanity; one of many problems with humanity that we all must come together and work to resolve. I also recognize that it will never go away. These things have been happening for centuries and, unfortunately, will continue to. I, instead, look to myself to make sure I am doing everything I can to not make others feel uncomfortable by my actions. I take steps to protect myself and keep me away from people and situations where I may have to say no and deal with the possibility of someone not listening. I have found the strength to take control of my life even though there have been moments where I had none.
I guess what I am saying is this: All sexual harassment is wrong. All sexual assault is horrible and should never be something that one has to deal with. I feel that we need to re-frame the discussion and truly make it an equal conversation as it relates to sex, race and creed. I also feel like we need to find the strength within us to not victimize ourselves and take control back from those who have wronged us.